


My Thoughts On You

by BehindTheRobinsMask



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dick Grayson Has Issues, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26211361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask
Summary: Left alone for the holidays, grumpy and a bit sad, all Dick Grayson wanted was to get a hot drink from his favourite coffee shop near campus. But little did he know that his life would take a much-needed turn when Jason Todd, his longtime crush, starts working as a barista there.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 10
Kudos: 130
Collections: JayDick Summer Exchange 2020





	My Thoughts On You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Morimaitar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morimaitar/gifts).



> Hi Morimaitar!
> 
> Thank you for writing the amazing fics that you have until now. After seeing your prompt, I just really wanted to write a cute and fluffy fic but somewhere along the line, there was a dash of angst that turned out to be more than what was needed. Haha. I'm sorry. I have no excuses. But I do hope that you like the fic nonetheless.

Pressing his gloved hands against his cheeks, Dick looked up at the sky, seeing nothing but white dots making their way to the ground, snowing ever so lazily that it seemed the whole world was in the holiday mood. Across the street, children were rolling tiny snowballs into bigger ones, ready to be artists in their own rights as they lugged out old scarves and carrots. Then there were those who were rushing home, ready to spend time with the family they only got to see once a year during Christmas. Or those who were spending the holidays with a significant other, someone to hold them through the cold nights, someone to kiss under the mistletoe and start the new year with.   
  


On such a joyous occasion, Dick felt lost. Because this time around, he felt like he had no one to hold onto, no one to smile for. All his friends were in committed relationships and his family, well he wouldn’t be seeing them this year, especially not after the conversation he had with Bruce the last time he was home. While he knew his adoptive father only wanted the best for him, sometimes his over-protective nature pushed Dick over the edge. He just wished that for once, Bruce would learn to listen to him.   
  


So, instead of going home for Christmas, Dick was going to stay alone in his dorm room since he never had a roommate to begin with. This year, Tim and him wouldn’t have the chance to try and steal some of Alfred’s delicious cookies right after he took them out of the oven. He wouldn’t be able to put his youngest brother, Damian, in shitty reindeer sweaters despite his many protests. Someone else would have to drag Bruce out of his office or else they’d work through the night, never realizing when Christmas Eve came by. Then again, even if Dick wasn’t there, Duke or Cassandra would handle things well enough.   
  


Dick, on the other hand, would spend his days locked up in his room, finishing assignments for classes that he hated. He never wanted to learn business, never had much of an interest in it but Bruce was adamant that Dick work at Wayne Enterprise, learn the ropes so that he could one day be the ideal successor. But he never asked what Dick wanted to do, never asked if he had a dream he wanted to fulfil more than anything in the world. And when Dick did express what he wanted to do, Bruce didn’t hear him. Just like always.   
  


Walking up to his usual coffee shop, in need of his daily fix, Dick wondered how his life had gotten this way. He was never one to be alone on a major holiday. Even if he wasn’t with family, he at least had someone he could lean on, even if temporarily. He wasn’t really much of a player, after all, it wasn’t in his nature to intentionally hurt someone. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t commit to someone. He couldn’t open up to them and fall in love. When he shared this detail with his therapist, she had brought up his parents and their sudden passing. After that, Dick never made another appointment and in hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best decision. But he couldn’t talk about his parents. He couldn’t remember the night they died, the snap of their ropes still playing a lead role in every single nightmare.   
  


Unable to help himself, Dick quickly glanced at his phone. No messages. No call. Not a single person who missed him today. Sighing, he opened the door of the shop. His usual coffee would help take his mind off things and maybe, just for today, he’d get one of those cheesecakes he stared at every time he came by. It was the time to pamper himself and that always meant multiple slices of cake he would regret the next day.  
  


Pocketing his phone, Dick was about to greet the usual barista, Stephanie, when he noticed that she wasn’t there today. Instead, in her place was another familiar face, a face with deep green eyes that he had found himself fantasizing about so many times, a face that belonged to Jason Todd. Ever so often, Dick had spotted the man on campus, dressed in a leather jacket and the most confident grin on his face, the kind that irked so many people. Sometimes, when if he was lucky, he’d get to exchange small conversations with Jason when he came by to see Roy, the only mutual friend the two of them had. But even though Dick really, really wanted to kiss Jason’s plump lips, he never made a pass at him. Jason was important to Roy and Dick wouldn’t be the one to mess up that relationship. Even though Roy was constantly encouraging him to at least ask for Jason’s number.   
  


“Surprised to see me?” Jason asked, lips pulled into a small smile.   
  


Snapped out of his thoughts, Dick blinked and then returned Jason’s smile, “Oh, uh, kind of. I didn’t know you worked here.”  
  


“Just started recently,” Jason explained with a shrug. “Since I’m moving into the dorms, I thought I’d get a job nearby.”  
  


“Right, right,” Dick said, nodding as if he had been listening intently. Honestly, the whole world had kind of faded away when Jason’s eyes fell on him. “So, the dorms, why the sudden change?”  
  


“Eh, I decided the commute wasn’t worth the trouble,” Jason answered and then glanced back at the line forming behind Dick. “So, can I get your order.”  
  


“Shit!” Dick cursed himself. He felt so lucky to see Jason today that he almost forgot he was in the coffee shop. Quickly reciting his usual order, he made the payment and stood to the side, pretending to check out the cakes while his eyes kept glancing at Jason, taking in his features and that breath-taking smile.   
  


A part of him couldn’t help but wonder if Jason would be working at the coffee shop during the entirety of the Christmas holidays. If he was, Dick wouldn’t mind stepping out of his dorms for a while every day. Staring at Jason’s face was better than staring at assignments he had no interest in.   
  


Unfortunately, soon his name was being called and Dick decided that it was best that he didn’t stick around. When it came to Jason, he was anything but subtle. Thankfully, though, his staring, his awkwardness and the way he always seemed to trip on his words, they didn’t present as a red flag for Jason. He never really noticed how interested Dick was.   
  


“Thank you,” Dick said, walking up to the counter for his drink, holding up the cup only to find a number scribbled onto it. Confused, he looked back at Jason who gave him a knowing smile.   
  


“We could continue our conversation over text,” he explained before moving onto another customer.   
  


With his mouth hanging open, Dick tried to say something. He tried to say anything at all. Or maybe just move his head to nod. But the alarms blaring in his mind made it impossible to think because Jason Todd, handsome and intelligent Jason Todd with rippling muscles, had just given him his number. Maybe he just wanted to be friends. _Yeah_. That was probably it. He wanted to be friends.   
  


Gripping his cup, with an unavoidable skip in his step, Dick headed back to his dorm room. 

*******

That evening, after waiting for what he considered a decent amount of time, Dick took a deep breath and texted Jason. Then he put his phone to the side, trying to concentrate on something else. But from his assignments to shitty shows on Netflix, nothing really seemed to catch his interest and every ten minutes or so, he was checking his phone, hoping for a reply, one that only came late at night.  
  


**Jason:** _Hi, Dick. Sorry for the late reply. Just got off work.  
  
_

Giggling like a lovestruck fool, Dick counted down till sixty before he started to type out a reply, constantly erasing and rewriting until he settled on something that he considered casual enough. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Jason away.  
  


**Dick:** _No worries.  
_

As long as he didn’t let his thoughts get the best of him, as long as he never looked for a romantic meaning behind Jason’s words, he’d be alright. He couldn’t like Jason any more than he already had. 

*****  
**

Dick found himself standing outside the coffee shop once again, contemplating whether he should go inside or not. Trying to convince himself that he definitely wasn’t here to see Jason. This was his favourite place for coffee. Everyone knew that. Okay, not everyone but those who knew Dick were familiar with this fact. But then again. Jason and Dick had never really had much of a conversation until last night.  
  


Had Dick mentioned the coffee shop in their long chain of texts? He couldn’t really remember and the last thing he wanted to do was seem like a stalker. After all, him and Jason had been getting along surprisingly well and the conversation he thought would end after a few messages had gone on late into the night. It wasn’t that the two of them had a lot in common. It was that they had opinions on the same things but opinions that were drastically different. They never fought though, instead, they debated and teased each other, finding common ground and made jokes. Throughout the night, Dick found himself laughing constantly. It was surreal.  
  


After waking up, he had tried to throw himself into different tasks, from assignments to cleaning up his room, but his mind always kept going back to Jason. Since his new friend was at work, he couldn’t text a lot which meant Dick had time to himself. Time that he didn’t need to spend at the coffee shop. But somehow he had managed to convince himself that he just needed his daily order to get through the day. And now he was standing in front of the shop like an absolute idiot.  
  


_What the hell am I doing?  
  
_

Shaking his head, Dick opened the door and stepped inside, sighing with relief as warmth surrounded his body. When he looked up, there Jason was standing behind the counter with an amused smile on his face. It was as if he was expecting Dick. Or he had probably seen him standing outside and fighting an internal battle. Oh, if the ground could split open and swallow him whole, Dick would really appreciate that.   
  


“Hey, Dickie,” Jason greeted with a sing-song voice. “What can I get for you today? Your usual with a dash of blind faith that the Gotham Knights are capable of winning their next match?”  
  


Dick blinked. Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting that.   
  


“Call it what you want, Jay, but I know they’re going to win. My intuition has never let me down,” Dick said with a shrug, trying to seem nonchalant.   
  


While starting up a conversation seemed like a daunting task, once they were talking, all of Dick’s fears and anxiety just faded away. Jason made him feel comfortable.   
  


“Well, _Dickie_ , there’s a first time for everything.” Jason smirked, placing his hands on the counter as he leaned forward, a sight that made Dick’s heart skip a beat.   
  


_Dickie? Dickie?! A nickname?  
  
_

Jason made him feel comfortable. That was true but occasionally he did things that reminded Dick of his raging crush on the man and soon, he was blushing and stuttering, a mess that couldn’t get out a coherent sentence because his mind was so focused on remembering every detail of Jason’s face and posture. It was a strange feeling, the nervousness that he felt whenever Jason was around. After all, Dick had plenty of confidence in himself and his skills of… seduction. In the past, he had his fair share of dates and romantic escapades. While he wasn’t one to toot his own horn, he knew that by the end of the date, he always left his partner satisfied. That is, unless he was breaking up with them but then in such a situation, there wasn’t much he could do.   
  


“And since there’s a first time for everything,” Jason said, breaking into Dick’s thoughts, a glimmer of nervousness in his eyes. “Maybe we could watch the game together tonight so I could see your face when your intuition turns out to be wrong. What do ya say, Dickie?”  
  


Jason was asking to spend time with him. Jason was nervous about asking to spend time with him. These were two things that Dick never thought would happen. But then again, since yesterday, all he had received was one pleasant surprise after another.   
  


Dick smiled, his expression cool while on the inside, he was doing one flip after another, “Sounds like a good idea, Jay. And don’t worry, I’m not one to brag when I win,” Dick answered and hearing his response, Jason chuckled. “I’ll text you my room number.”  
  


“I guess I’ll see you tonight then,” Jason said, seeming pleased with himself. “Your usual order?”  
  


“My usual.” Dick nodded, barely containing his excitement. 

*******

Once he was back in his room, Dick couldn’t help but panic. Even though he had cleaned up that very morning, he felt the need to rearrange everything. Jason was coming over in a few hours. He was coming over to Dick’s room and the last thing he wanted was to make a bad impression. Getting to know how messy Dick could be was a privilege for those who had at least gone out on three dates with him. This was just the first for Jason.   
  


_Wait. No.  
  
_

This wasn’t a date. Jason had never said it was a date. This was just two bros chilling out together and watching a game. Nothing more. Nothing less. Dick could not and would not get his hopes high. He wouldn’t let his mind wander. But if this was a date, a totally casual one, would it be too much if he whipped out his scented candles to set the mood? Did he need to unpack his other blanket so that the two of them could be comfortable when they made out?  
  


_Ugh! Geez! Stop it me!  
  
_

Chastising himself for overthinking, Dick had just started cleaning up the papers on his desk when his phone vibrated, notifying him of a message.   
  


**Jason:** _I wish I could ditch my shift and come over right now.  
  
_

**Dick:** _Why would you say? Now I’m going to wish for the same and be sad because you can’t do that.  
  
_

**Jason:** _Awww, Dickie, don’t be sad.  
  
_

**Dick: 😢  
  
**

**Jason:** _If you promise not to be sad, I’ll stop by your favourite restaurant and get dinner.  
  
_

**Dick:** _Really?_ 🥺  
  


**Jason:** _Really. I gotta get back to work but I’ll see you tonight.  
  
_

**Dick:** _I can’t wait.  
  
_

Smiling to himself, Dick fell back on his bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling as he imagined the different ways the night could work out. When the holidays had begun, Dick expected to spend them alone with a cloud of gloom constantly following him around. But here he was, his heart full of happiness as he made plans that he had only dreamed of real.   
  


He couldn’t wait for tonight.

*******

A few hours later, there was a knock on the door, one that had him jumping out of the bed and checking his reflection quickly. When he answered, on the other side, dressed in a well-fitting black shirt and denim jeans was Jason, holding up a plastic bag.   
  


“I come bearing gifts,” he announced, handing the bag to Dick.  
  


Forgetting for a second that he was trying to make a good impression on Jason, Dick dramatically went down on his knees and held up the bag, “My delicious pasta. I never thought I’d see you again,” he wailed, his body freezing when he heard someone laugh.   
  


_Dick Grayson you absolute idiot!  
  
_

“Only happy to see the food, eh? I see how it is, Dickie?” Jason said, crossing his arms and pretending to be upset. “And here I thought you were looking forward to seeing me.”  
  


Dick batted his eyes, trying to look innocent, “I was. Really, Jay. After all, if you didn’t come by, how else would I have gotten Bello’s?”   
  


“You wound me, Grayson!” Jason gasped, placing his hand over his heart. “I am truly hurt and now you have to make it up to me.”  
  


“And however will I do that, Jay?”  
  


Jason tapped his chin and hummed, “I’ll think of something. Eventually.”   
  


Placing the bag on the table, Dick found himself grinning from ear to ear as Jason got comfortable on his bed, one side of the blanket draped on his shoulder as he patted the empty space next to him.   
  


“Come on now, Dickie. We don’t want to miss the game,” he said and Dick did his best not to just dive into the bed like an overexcited puppy, instead, taking his time to walk over.   
  


Once Dick was settled, wrapped in his blanket, sitting so very close to Jason that on the inside, he was screaming, he switched on his laptop and started the live feed for the game. From then on, the awkwardness, if there was any, to begin with, just faded away as the two of them started discussing the match, booing at players and cheering when their team scored. There were predictions, bets and impressions. When they sat down to eat, they were just splitting their dishes like they had done so a million times, holding up spoonfuls just to feed the other. Through this all, Dick’s inner monologue, his overthinking, his fears, there were non-existent.   
  


And when the match ended, Jason was left speechless while Dick just leaned back, a smile gracing his face as the Gotham Knights won.   
  


“Gotta say, I didn’t expect to be proven wrong,” Jason said as he turned to Dick, eyes full of wonder. “You really are something special, aren’t you, Dick Grayson?”  
  


“It’s one of the words people have used to describe me.” Dick shrugged.   
  


“I’m not surprised,” Jason whispered, his voice so low, so soft as it lost its playfulness.   
  


For a breath, they were just staring at each other but then, Jason’s eyes flickered to Dick’s lips and then, they were kissing. Soft kisses. Gentle kisses. Ones that ended too fast. Ones that went on for so long that Dick was left breathless. And then, they were toppling over, limbs intertwining as they kissed again and then again because just one didn’t seem enough.   
  


“I’ve imagined this before, you know?” Jason said in-between kisses, his eyes staring into Dick’s as he leaned down for more. “So.” Kiss. “So.” Kiss. “Many times.”  
  


Dick felt his heart flutter, “Yeah? Is this everything you imagined, Jase?”  
  


“Everything and more,” Jason answered.   
  


They were kissing again, laughing and giggling every time they needed to catch their breath, whispering words of longing, singing praises and then, kissing.   
  


Dick felt like he was floating with the clouds, so high and so happy as his fingers curled in Jason’s hair, as their lips brushed together, as they smiled at each other. It felt like a dream but he knew this was real. He was really in Jason’s arms, it was his image reflected in those green eyes and it was his words that Jason whispered now and again, with love, with affection.   
  


It was all too much but not enough. As Jason’s body pressed closer to his, Dick never wanted to let go. He wanted to be consumed. He wanted to be lost in his touch. But just as his thoughts ran rampant, just as his heart began to sway, there it was, in the back of Dick’s mind, a snapping sound, echoing so softly and then booming like thunder, so loud that it made his heart race. So loud that he remembered exactly who he was and why he didn’t deserve more than what he was given. 

  
Jason was beautiful. Jason was the sun and the last thing Dick wanted was to be the one to dim that light. And he was more than capable of doing so. More than capable of breaking Jason’s heart.   
  


As if sensing the change in Dick’s mood, his hesitation, his fear, Jason gently pulled back, fingers still tracing his cheek. When he looked at Dick, his eyes searched for something, maybe a reason, an answer but then, he averted his gaze.   
  


“I should probably go,” he said, pushing himself to his feet. “It’s getting late.”  
  


A part of Dick wanted to reach out and hold Jason’s hand, pull him back and keep him here in this moment for as long as he could. But another part knew that it was better if he left, if there was some distance between them. This way, Dick would have time to gather his thoughts. He would have time to make the changes he needed so that he wouldn’t fall. He was so very afraid of falling, of letting go and putting his faith in someone else. If he took the leap, closed his eyes and embraced the wind, what if there was no one there to catch him at the end of it all?   
  


Standing by the door, Dick gave Jason a smile, hoping to seem as genuine as he possibly could.  
  


“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jason asked, his usual confidence gone as he looked at Dick with calculating eyes, trying to read him, trying to understand him.   
  


“Maybe,” Dick answered, gripping the doorknob. “I have a few assignments to catch up on.”  
  


“Right.” Jason nodded, taking a step back. “Goodnight.”  
  


“Night, Jason.”  
  


And then he was walking down the hall, disappearing from sight, ending the beautiful dream that Dick had been living in. Now, it was time for him to wake up, time for him to live in the real world. Even if there was nothing good about it. 

*******

**Jason:** _Good morning, Dickie._

**Jason:** _Busy?_

**Jason:** _Dick, is everything okay?_

**Jason:** _I’m worried about you._

**Jason:** _I miss you._

*******

It had been three days since Dick had seen Jason, three days since he said goodnight, three days since they last spoke. And it was for the best. At least that’s what Dick told himself every time he reached out for his phone, every time he read a message that broke his heart piece by piece. Every relationship that Dick had in the past, it ended before things could get too serious, before he let anyone see the good as well as the bad, his perfection and his flaws. The more someone knew him, the more it would hurt when they left. And every one was bound to leave him, one way or another. Pushing people away, keeping them at a distance, all these things, it never bothered Dick before. It made him feel like a shitty person and that was something he could deal with. But hurting Jason, ignoring him, it hurt to do this. A part of him kept telling him that he was making the wrong decision.   
  


Dick chose to ignore that part. Instead, he threw himself into his work. If he barely had any time to take a break, he would barely have time to think about Jason. Even if that meant he barely got any sleep.  
  


But what was he supposed to do when the person he was ignoring came knocking at his door.  
  


“You look like shit,” Jason said, brows raised and arms crossed. “Have you slept since I lost you? At all?”  
  


Dumbfounded by the situation, Dick could only stare, trying to find the right words, trying to play things off but in the end, all he could mumble out was a ‘Jason. Hi.’  
  


“I know you don’t want to see me or talk to me but I just… I had to come by so I could apologize,” Jason sighed, running his fingers through his hair.  
  


“Wait, what?” Dick asked confused. Had he missed something? “Why are you apologizing?”  
  


“After you just shut down on me, I kept thinking about that night, replaying every scene and wondering what I had done wrong. Because obviously, I had to have done something for you to just… throw me aside,” Jason answered, his voice full of frustration. “So, I just… I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have overstepped. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”  
  


Dick knew that he was responsible for hurting a lot of people. He knew that sometimes he could be a really shitty person. But right now, as Jason apologized to him, he hated himself.   
  


“Jason… _Jay_ … You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dick whispered as his hand reached out to hold Jason’s. But then he stopped midway, wondering if he even had the right to do that. “I just… I can’t do this.”  
  


“Can’t do what?” Jason asked, brows furrowed.   
  


“Us… this… whatever we’re doing,” Dick answered, trying to explain things well but failing. “My track record with relationships has never been good. And you… you’re this amazing person, this smart and beautiful and kind person. I don’t want to hurt you, Jason. I don’t want there to ever be a time when you hate me and I know that if I don’t put an end to things, you will.”  
  


“How can you be so sure of that?” Jason asked, tilting his head as his eyes watched Dick like a hawk.   
  


Dick wanted to give a lame excuse. Just scream that he somehow knew. His intuition told him so or something along those lines. Anything to make Jason back off. But instead, he found himself being honest, finally speaking the words that he thought of every night he went to sleep, the ones that guided his every decision. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation that made it so hard for him to hold back. Or maybe he was tired of hiding how he really felt, tired of pretending that everything was alright when it wasn’t.  
  


“Because, Jason, I let people down. That’s just who I am. The people that I love and those who love me, I can only bring them pain,” Dick rambled, staring at the ground as old memories resurfaced. “ Bruce. Babs, Wally. All they’ve ever given me is love and all I did was let them down. I let them fall.”  
  


“Dick?” Jason called out, noticing that something was strange but right now, Dick couldn’t hear him.   
  


“Even my parents,” he finally added, taking in a shaky breath. “I let them down. I let them fall.”  
  


Reliving that night at the circus, the laughter, the cheering, Haly’s deep voice announcing their act, Dick was shaking, breathing and trembling, dreading each second that brought him closer to the moment he lost his parents, the moment their hands reached out for his, the soft brush of their fingertips and then the nothingness that consumed him, the guilt that crushed him every day. But this time, before they could fall, before they could leave him behind, the nightmare was cut short as strong arms wrapped around Dick’s body, keeping him together as he fell apart.   
  


“Dick,” a voice whispered his name, bringing him out of his head. “Dick, it wasn’t your fault,” Jason said and Dick choked on a sob.   
  


“Wasn’t it? If I was faster, if I had tried harder, they would have been alive,” Dick cried, his fingers curling into Jason’s jacket.  
  


“The only person to blame for your parents’ death is the man who tampered with the wires. Not you. Not anyone else.” Jason cupped Dick’s face, forcing him to look at him. _Really_ look at him. “You were a child, too young to have gone through everything that you did. But that doesn’t mean that you let people down, Dickie. That doesn’t mean you’re not a good person. You have to stop blaming yourself.”  
  


Of course, Jason knew about Dick’s parents and how they had died. But then again, at this point, who in Gotham didn’t?  
  


Dick smiled humorlessly, “That’s easier said than done.”  
  


“I know, okay? I know. Moving past traumatic incidents is a difficult thing to do and hell, if I could, I would take away all your pain. But I can’t. Love and encouragement will only go so far because, at the end of the day, the only person who can help you is you yourself,” Jason said, his thumb brushing Dick’s cheek ever so softly.   
  


“Are you telling me that I need help?” Dick snorted.  
  


“Don’t we all?” Jason asked, smiling wearily. “Everyone has their demons, their own issues and sometimes to deal with them, we need help. Nothing wrong with that. And if you decide to get help, I’ll be by your side. I’ll do everything I can to support you.”  
  


Dick didn’t know how to feel about any of this. Considering all the scenarios he had imagined himself and Jason in, this was never one of them. He never saw Jason as someone who would genuinely care for him. Well, he never saw Jason as someone who would even acknowledge him. But here he was, standing in front of him, worried for his safety even though he had every reason to run away, every reason to never see Dick again. Dick wouldn’t blame him for leaving, it would be the right thing to do. So how was he supposed to feel when Jason decided to stay?  
  


“I don’t… I honestly don’t know what to say,” Dick finally whispered. “I don’t even know why you’d want to stay.”  
  


Hugging Dick tightly, Jason let out a chuckle, “I told you didn’t I? You’re special, Dick Grayson and I’d be a fool to let go of you.”  
  


“I think you’re a fool for not letting go,” Dick whispered, sinking into Jason’s warmth. “But then, who am I to judge you?”  
  


After that, they didn’t speak as tremors slowly faded away and Dick couldn’t finally breathe again. He could finally feel just a little free, the guilt pressing down on him going back to its hideaway, watching carefully and waiting for the time it could pounce once again. That time would come soon, Dick knew that. A few words would never be enough to take away his trauma. A few words could never fix what was broken inside of him. But just as Jason said, if he even wanted to dream of being alright, he had to take the initiative and he had to stick to it instead of running away. Which would prove to be difficult because that was all Dick had ever done.   
  


This time though, he would try. He would really try and hopefully, things would work out. Maybe. 

*******

**A few months later:**

With his hands shoved in his pocket, Dick looked up at the sky, watching as the clouds lazily floated by, no cares or worries. What he wouldn’t give to be just like them? But right now, between changing his major from business to criminology, trying to repair his relationship with Bruce (trying being the operative word) and working on himself, Dick’s plate was full. Though he couldn’t complain. Even if he didn’t have a lot of free time on his hands, he was happy. Happier than he had been before. There were days when everything felt heavier, when those forgotten feelings came rushing back in waves, crashing into him, drowning him. Then, there were days when the world felt brighter, when he could think and feel and act without questioning his every decision, without worrying that he’d hurt someone by simply existing.   
  


It was a difficult battle but fighting rather than giving in felt so much better. And now, he had so many people looking out for him.  
  


After much discussion and convincing on Jason’s part, Dick had opened up to his closest friends about his issues, finally letting them know what had been going through his head this whole time. There were tears, there was anger but most of all, there was understanding. And Dick was grateful to have these people in his life.   
  


Most of all, he was grateful for Jason. Grateful that he was so caring. Grateful that he was patient. And grateful that he was who he was. Since he started therapy again, Dick had come to lean on Jason more times than he could count and never once had he been turned away. Instead, he was loved and cherished, cared for even when he thought he didn’t deserve it. And when Jason was feeling down or stressed, Dick did his best to be his support, to give him a reason to smile, someone he could share his worries with.   
  


The relationship that Dick had with Jason, he never knew he needed something like it but now that he had it, he felt like the luckiest person alive.   
  


As cars passed him by, the day coming to an end, Dick hurried down the street, towards his favourite coffee shop. Jason’s shift was over and tonight, the two of them had decided to eat out. A spontaneous date as Jason called it.   
  


“Hey, Dickiebird.” Jason grinned as Dick reached the store.  
  


He then leaned in to kiss Dick, a light peck that still sent shivers down his spine. It didn’t matter how long the two of them had been together, every kiss he shared with Jason felt like the first one, making his heart flutter in his chest.   
  


“So, what do you think? We’re gonna have a good date?” Jason teased and Dick smiled.   
  


“Well, Jay, I have a feeling that we will and you know my intuition is never wrong,” Dick answered, holding his boyfriend’s hand.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just supposed to be a normal coffee shop AU. I don't know what happened. At least it didn't turn into a 100k word slow burn fic. Haha.


End file.
